Apartment Interview with Myself

10 Feb 2021

”I try to embrace the fact that I’m aesthetically still stuck in my early teens”

Hi! Thanks for inviting me in, and I’m officially in love with your apartment. Especially your living room.
– Thank you! I’m thrilled about it too..!

You’re in a colorful period of life?
– I certainly hope so.

Did you follow a certain plan when you decorated the space?
– I have this idea of myself as a clean, classic and artistic interior designer, but when I get into it, it all falls apart. It always end up looking like my childhood room. Which I’ve come to like. I remember vividly when Dad let me paint my room for the first time. I decided on medium dark blue with a purple tone. I didn’t have a perception of style then, I just wanted that color. I try to embrace the fact that I’m aesthetically still stuck in my early teens. I was lucky having a very innocent and carefree childhood.

I see, it’s inspiring! 
– Right?:) Everything matches because nothing really matches.

”I collect snow globes and stones. And books, and music, and the tiny plastic fish with red tip that you get when you buy sushi at Rema1000”

So what’s your favorite object in your home?
– The freezer. So I can put multiple ice cubes in my drink.

What kind of drink?
– A tall glas of Spirit, the best Norwegian soda, only available at CoopExtra, not to be mistaken by the international evil stepbrother Sprite.

Ok cool. But you obviously have a lot of other objects apart from your freezer. I see you’re a collector?
– You mean a horder? Yeah, I collect snow globes and stones. And books, and music, and the tiny plastic fish with red tip that you get when you buy sushi at Rema1000. The snow globes are mostly from my brother’s or my friend’s travels. The stones are from my own travels, and the rare ones (such as a total square pyrite) are from my favorite stone & mineral shop in Oslo. I started collecting stones after I studied geology last semester. The vast timescale makes me feel so calm. Snow globes are cool, but their decay happens disapointingly fast. Stones are forever, at least a couple of million years.

”It’s highly therapeutic to play out conversations loudly in my living room”

It’s interesting to hear how you draw lines between abstracts and objects. But moving on to the non-object part of your living situation: what’s the best thing about living alone?
– Walking around naked whilst stepping over piles of clothes, and the full freedom to express myself, without having to explain to anyone. It’s highly therapeutic to play out conversations loudly in my living room.

“I have a list of strategies for dealing with loneliness. One is to go to IKEA and walk in the showrooms. Another one is to look at the moon. And a third one is to link loneliness to uniqueness”

Thinking about the past year and the new way of living we’ve all been dealing with, how’s it been living alone during lockdown and the restricted freedom of the pandemic reality?
– The start of this year has been lonely indeed, and when I think about the community I’ve missed this year, I easily start to cry. Dealing with loss and loneliness have been a big part of my emotional workout for sure. But I have a list of strategies for dealing with loneliness, which is constantly changing as new needs and ideas come up. One is to go to IKEA and walk in the showrooms. Another one is to look at the moon. And a third one is to link loneliness to uniqueness. I play this game with myself, where I imagine there’s no pandemic, but I’ve chosen to live more socially isolated. Because I’m a new age super hero with a secret mission, and people wouldn’t understand. “She’s so wierd and isolated. Maybe she’s hiding something...“, they’d say.

You become more playful when you’re alone?
– Maybe:) But I miss someone special to play with!

So you’re looking for a partner?
– Oh man, like Michael Scott would say: “No question about it. I’m ready to get hurt again”. I dream of a house by the sea, and I long for real connection on an everyday basis, together with all my lonely needs. However, do you think the lonely needs will disappear when you find someone, or is it part of the overweight luggage you have to pay for at the counter?

I don’t know really. Would it be a bad thing to accept that it’s way too heavy, and not to mention unpractical, to bring everything with you at all times, and decide to confidently leave the luggage at the airport?
– That seems scary… What if I need it later?

Well.
– I guess it depends on the destination. By the way, I think such decisions should be made without me even noticing it. I hope for the right distraction:)

”Time experienced alone has a very different taste. It’s a heavy burden, but nevertheless profound”

I’m still curious: What exactly are you afraid of losing in leaving your lonely, playful life with the extra luggage?
– Endless time. Time experienced alone has a very different taste. It’s a heavy burden, but nevertheless profound.

What do you mean?
– When I’m alone I cultivate the sacred relationship to myself. It’s like an internal trinity, yet the parts of the trinity are fluid and evolving. But to exemplify, it may consist of 1) intense feelings, 2) rational thinking and 3) calm being. They’re all trying hard to balance each other, and I try hard to be a good host. Counting the host, you now have a quadrinity! :-) As Alan Watts put it: “The Self behind the self – who’s watching that?”, I like how he never agreed on anything. Perhaps what he means, is that the metaphor doesn’t work if you try to make qualitative sense out of it. And what if the trinity is yet another misleading concept, that confuses the idea that you consist of parts, and not a whole?

”You could potentially remove the most important motivation for growth, and worst case end up as the Messiah”

By being a whole, you mean fulfilling yourself alone?
– I think being ‘a whole’, and being ‘fulfilled’ is two very different things:) Fulfillment is such a confusing concept too. If you’re not fulfilled, then you’re just here to be filled..? What do you have to offer to the world? But wait. It’s also dangerous to think that you ARE fulfilled. You could potentially remove the most important motivation for growth, and worst case end up as the Messiah. So let’s put it this way: Do you think a tree is an empty container of bark waiting for the insides to fill its mold? No, it's on its own mission to grow all the fibers it needs to become a specific kind of tree, outside and inside simultaneously. And just because it has an outside appearently different from the inside, and it knows how to grow even bigger, does not mean it's not fulfilled. But I wouldn’t say it’s fulfilled either. It’s a tree:)

I see. Are you always like this?
– Like what?

So existential.
– Yes of course. Why, is it bothering you?

No, it wasn’t meant that way.
– Ok, yeah. Sorry.

Please don’t apologize for being you.
– :-)

I think I’ve just had a rough week...
– Oh, I hear you my dear. Could I offer you a ride home?

Oh, please don’t bother. The bus is perfect! It’s pretty close, right? Hey, so grateful for the visit. I really appreciated this. I needed it. 
– I’m glad you came too:) Yes, the bus stop is right over there. You should take the 505 to Oslo Bussterminal.

Thanks. Have a lovely evening then.
– You too. Take care!

Take care, and stay fulfilled! Or not.
– Hehe, yes. Maybe I’ll just become a tree.

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