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Mash-Up Interview
04 Feb 2024
Here you see kristin in her gorgeous outfit, making a distinct pose that resembles the duality inside her.
Kristin wonders why she now finds herself in (yet another) big shift, and questions her own motivations, and God’s (former) plan.
“I like big shifts, but sometimes I feel like Pam when reality slaps her face, and she realizes she actually quit her job to join the Michael Scott Paper Company: “I just keep getting bored, and I let things build up, and build up. And then I do something too big… I was just feeling impulsive, I should have gotten a tiny tattoo on my ankle”’’
Hi there! Let’s do this! Recap of the previous year - HIT ME.
– Well first of all I miraculously finished my second bachelor degree. At a University. As a landscape engineer. Some people did not belive me when I said I like stones and plants and city planning, maybe they thought it was all an excuse for me avoiding my creative dreams (hence the interview from 2022, which you can read right here). But no one other than me knows my dream :—) (You wouldn’t understand, it’s a secret).
After I handed in my bachelor thesis about how to manage and maintain wild nature in the city, I needed a break, and made a short film called REGRET, and then went to work with logging and editing on a documentary film project. Simultaneously, I kept in touch with a landscape architect office, and did pro bono work for a period. Slow and steady as a meandering river, that involvement lead to a 5 month paid internship in Aarhus, Denmark. Where I’m at now:)
kristin’s desk at the landscape architecture office in Aarhus.
“Some people did not belive me when I said I like stones and plants and city planning, maybe they thought it was all an excuse for me avoiding my creative dreams.”
I see. You’re obviously not afraid of big shifts?
– I like big shifts, but sometimes I feel like Pam when reality slaps her face, and she realizes she actually quit her job to join the Michael Scott Paper Company: ‘’I just keep getting bored, and I let things build up, and build up. And then I do something too big… I was just feeling impulsive, I should have gotten a tiny tattoo on my ankle’’. The biggest confusion for me, is the general narrative of Life: that you know what you’re doing, and what you base your choices on. This is a complicated theme for me… Maybe for some it’s easier to not obsess about, because they grew up with either no expectations or no concept of God. I had a lot of both. When I was a Christian
…Hold on. A Christian? Would you mind explaining?
– Well, I grew up in a Christian home. I believed in God, and Jesus, that they were guiding me in my life – in a very good, but mysterious way. God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit was the same person, and it was constantly present as a narrative in my head, and a feeling in my stomach/body. So basically, they were ME. But as I figured out more about who ME was, and how beautifully contradictory it expressed itself, JC &God + HolySpiirito kind of dissolved into one-dimentional characters.
“Sounds cute to let go, but this one felt more like a bungee jump without knowing the distance to the ground, nor the length of the cord.”
This process took several years, a lot happened subconsciously, since I did not intentionally want to break away from the strong and dynamic fellowship I was part of. I didn’t know who ME was, without all that. Or, I had never tried life without, and nobody of my Christian friends had either. There was only unknown darkness on the other side of Jesus. I did NOT want to go there. But the break was inevitable (or was it?..), and it all culminated into me completely letting go. Sounds cute to let go, but this one felt more like a bungee jump without knowing the distance to the ground, nor the length of the cord.
When people speak of letting go as if it was a soft and easy action, I imagine all they ever had to let go of is their plans for Saturday night. Lol! Try to break up and let go of an ALLMIGHTY GOD, you ignorant slut!!
Screenshot from an unofficial trailer of the work in progress movie ‘GODLILESS’ by Kristin evy stubberud. “worship is now something I investigate on a deeper artistic level, very different from what I did as a hardcore Christian. Still, the musical goosebumps are as real as they were when I believed it was from God himself!”, she says.
Haha. You always find ways to quote The Office (and last year this was the overall theme for the interview, to be read right here). Do you think the readers appreciate these references?
– Well, it’s my new religion <3
We’ve talked through so many themes in these interviews over the past years, it’s strange to me that we’ve never touched the your post-Christian story.
– I have several untold stories. I really want to make this one into a film. Worship is now something I investigate on a deeper artistic level, very different from what I did as a hardcore Christian. Still, the musical goosebumps are as real as they were when I believed it was from God himself!
“Me and God were going strong for almost 26 years. That’s my biggest relationship achievement ever.”
Do you still believe God has something to do with your life? That there’s a master plan that still involves you?
– A trick question. I like it :—) No, I don’t think there’s a master plan. I sometimes sooth myself by believing there is, sine it’s a very nice thought. That something is more ‘right’ or ‘ment’ for me, other than what happens to be in my life at that point. The truth is, I’ve never been a big planner (I’m a little sister). I very much enjoy the randomness in life, and maybe this year I’ll try to embrace it even more. Be a landscape engineer, and a creative filmmaker, without trying to make sense of whether one of those are more ‘right’ for me. The sense of purpose and direction is more or less mine now, not something I have to decode from above. On the other hand; what if God knew that the best thing for both me and him, was to let go? So maybe I didn’t have a choice? I mean, since it provoked so many feelings in me to let go, and it just felt awful to not have that extreme sense of safety in my life. Me and God were going strong for almost 26 years. That’s my biggest relationship achievement ever.
makes u think
Back to the concept of big shifts. Do you enjoy Aarhus, and your new internship?
– A tiny eerie feeling is always present when a big move is happening. Like something is ‘off’, and I need to get home to safety as Quicky as I can! I felt it through, cried in my room a couple of times, one time out in the streets with my hoodie on, and then it felt okay. More or less okay. It did take a lot of effort to move from my apartment in Drøbak (which you can read all about in my first interview right here), and I have so many valuable and good friendships back home. I’ll let myself make sense of this, or not, in the unique way I always do. Comfort is nice, but there’s a strange Force pulling me in so many different directions at the same time. I cannot ignore that, even though that Force is leading me to places that does not make total sense, or I don’t feel comfortable in. It sounds like I’m a thrill seeking person, maybe I am – but only in an existential way.
“I felt it through, cried in my room a couple of times, one time out in the streets with my hoodie on, and then it felt okay.”
Ah, sense a great adventurer, in you I do, young one.. And I wish you all the randomness and goodness (and godliless?) on the rest of this journey! Thanks for doing this interview, I know you have a lot on your agenda these days, so appreciate you making room for a quick talk.
– Yeah! I guess this one was a bit more compressed than the other interviews, but I think we managed to make a good Mash-Up of several heavy themes!
We sure did.
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